not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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