yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
