I want to walk on stilts...naked
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
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