I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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