I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
