I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
