She went from zero to smokin in five shots
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
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