peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
