from now on my penis is your penis
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Randomize
