I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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