I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
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