He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
