it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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