whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
