It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
