This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
