At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
