The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Houston, we have a squirter
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
