i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
