Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
