Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
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Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize