at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Randomize
