You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
