ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
