I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
