we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
