just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
