You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize