I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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