i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
