I think i peed on brittanys purse
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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