Walk of Shame. In a state park.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Randomize
