If i come over, it means nothing
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Sorry about my life...
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
where are my eyebrows?
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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