Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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