he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
