it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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