I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Randomize
