last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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