My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Randomize
