That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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