i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
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you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
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There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
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