Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
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