i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I understand Curling. That high.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
