he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
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