Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I'd cum for enchiladas.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
