We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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