so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Randomize
