This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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