What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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