9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
