That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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