ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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