Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
