the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
