in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Randomize
