I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Dick very happy bro
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize