First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
