anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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