my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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