i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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